It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Everything about him screamed your future.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
