I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
