the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
did i walk over a car last night?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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