the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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