I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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