Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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