This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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