Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
