i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize