tequila makes me forget i have legs
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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