You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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