So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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