Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
how drunk are you?
Several
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
