trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
