C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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