cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
this boner is exhausting
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
