so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize