Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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