the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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