glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
