Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
