I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
