So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
