Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
