my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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