how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
