I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
sex in a hospital.. check
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
