you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
