can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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