to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
