i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I think my moral compass just broke
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
