I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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