pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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