At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
