on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
