I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
