soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize