The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
