I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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