I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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