Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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