i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
