she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Randomize
