Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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