I am puke
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
