Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
