Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
