I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
