i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
