No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
