mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
