Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize