My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
