I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
