so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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