are you still at the devil's house?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
