Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
