I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
