i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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