...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
