you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Ladies don't puke and tell
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize