I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
