I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
