Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Last time i carry you out of a forest
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
