so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
sex in a hospital.. check
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
