Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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