what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Randomize