hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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