I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
