if i can run in heels then i can drive
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
