I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
